"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

flabbergasted
April 19, 2006 - 6:21 pm

gobsmacked - or is it godsmacked?

flabbergasted.

i like flabbergasted best.

that's how i felt today at work. for you to try and understand why.. a bit of background is needed.

this week.. has, more or less, sucked. the details of why.. are well, unimportant. work just has excelled at being less than good. in fact, a few events had me mentally preparing my letter of resignation and pondering if i was about to experience the joys of being fired.

while pondering those two contrasting ways to leave a place of employment.. i, oddly enough, slept well. i took this as a clear "sign" just how ready i am to leave this job. my only real concern is how quick i'd find a new job.. and to that point, i'd applied to a few -- even taking time to custom write little cover letters. i hate cover letters.

regarding the week up to now, it's not that work has been hellish, it's that.. it's clear i'm on bossman's shitlist -- largely for good (or acceptable) reasons. of course, it's all in how the events get spun. if you're on the good list, things look one way. if you're on the bad list, they look another.

a large part of why i'm on the bad list is bossman knows my dissatisfaction is growing.. and he no longer sees me as an asset to the office. instead, i'm a problem to be "fixed" - a person to be replaced - an issue he has to deal with.

anyway. today at about 8am bossman called me into the office and said to shut the door.

i thought the converstation was to be about an account.. that, due to no real fault of ours, is out of control. a great many factors have added to this.. and i'm not "as plugged in as i should be." fair enough.

instead, bossman says he got an email from bossbossman -- the boss of bosses, so to speak.

big bossman knows the sketchy details that i want out of sales, but nothing nitty gritty. so much the better. big bossman got sent an email that a group at corporate is looking for someone and he thought of me.

i'm sure, to a degree, bossman hated telling me about the email, but he had no choice.

at this news of an opening and my being tentitively thought out.. flabbergasts me. for the first time in nearly 12 months, something happened.. that could be a 'break' for me at work. something that could.. be a bit of justification to my somewhat foolish and niave notions as to how things would go..

we talk. talk rambles to other things like the account i mentioned above. we go over details. things.. go oddly well. oddly smoothly. i'm flabbergasted still.

big bossman sits in our office.. and so later in the day i sit with him and discuss things. things go well. this doesn't flabbergast me..

when big bossman called me in, everyone kinda perked up. rumors were instantly transmitted throughout the office -- is K getting fired? is K quitting? what's going on?!?

someone quipped, "how big a box do you need?"

big bossman heard this.. and smiled, "he doesn't have much stuff, a little one will do." or something to that effect. perhaps i imagined him saying that. i'm sure he thought it.

some ten or fifteen minutes i was in his office. upon leaving.. i was asked - "so, are you quitting? leaving?" i looked at the clock and said, "not for another seventy minutes."

throughout the rest of the day, i got a lot of little 'looks' and comments, "you look really happy" or things to that affect. effect? i forget.

if i don't hear something from someone within two weeks.. i'm to speak up.

tick tock. tick tock.