"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

screwed again
November 29, 2005 - 5:53 pm

as in how i'd feel if i were a pheasant and just got a blast of buckshot in the ass.

why?

i think, i'm pretty damn near sure, i just got fucked at work. yesterday, bossman brings up the idea that i'm going to take over two large accounts.. who are currently pissed at their current rep (the same person). i waffle on the idea. today he says it's going to happen.. and you can unload an equalish amount of business. this, i'm ok with. this makes sense. i'm swamped now.. and how the hell can i take on two needy accounts without unloading? i agree.

i email some accounts to bossman.

my list is forwarded to supervisorman who calls me over some 10 to 15 minutes later.. and says, we arn't going to move any accounts from you desk, but you are still getting X and Y. i smirk, shrug and walk away.

i'm too f'ing busy to talk about it with him then. i stew all day.

at the end of the day, i bring up to bossman that i'm rather concerned about not getting rid of accounts. he says he understands.. but it's up to supervisorman.

i let it drop with him.. and type out a short, nice email to supervisorman to talk about tomorrow.

i drive home. i realize the chance of supervisor man changing his mind is small. why? he doesn't have anywhere to move the accounts i want to unload. everyone else is full up.. and it makes no sense to send accounts to the person who couldn't handle what i'm getting.

the "big picture" says i get fucked.

i'm not interested in this picture. i'm interested in my time there being as.. unfucked up as possible.

bossman wants me to commit to stay long term. i waffle. other changes are coming. another reason why supervisorman doesn't want to move things now. i understand this. i can see the logic of it.

i don't care.

it's not in my personality to do a shitty job, not if i can help it. it frustrates me as is that i can't do what i want to do.

other events pop into my head on the way home. other examples of in the six months i've been here of my getting screwed. each one small, but itself.. not much.

together... next time bossman asks me about commitment, my answer is "all bets are off -- as short as possible."

i expect this to be tomorrow. i expect this to be after i ask for a raise.. since i'm not getting rid of anything. i want _something_ in return for doing this "favor". he says no raise.. i can't without a commitment.. i say well, then all bets are off.. i'm here as short as possible.

in other news, i've two unlistned to vmails. this makes me happy. which annoys me.. they are ruining my shitty mood.