"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

my greatest sin
June 12, 2004 - 9:54 pm

earlier, i got an email from someone i've been talking to in regards to a story i wrote. i know next to nothing about this person - other than they liked a story i wrote. i'm not even sure of gender.

in my profile there, i have the same list as in my profile here.

the email said, in part:

"after reading this list carefully I think this is the one that you should be terrified of>>> 11) My greatest sin is living as I think I should, not as I feel I should."

i'm not terrified by it. i'm both devisated when i think of this.. and elated. i suppose it is somewhat terrifying to think you've lived your life the wrong way.

however, without having done that, i'd not be where i am or who i am today. i could be better or worse - it all depends on what it was i felt i should do as opposed to what i thought i should do.

the depressing part is.. really, i should live my whole life over - that i don't like how i've made my choices.

the elated part is.. my life really isn't that bad. as much as i like whine and bitch abot things, i don't really have anything of substance to complain about. i've never been arrested or lived in true poverty. i've never even broken a bone. without having made the choices the way i have, i couldn't apperciate the value of choosing based on feeling, not so much thinking what others would want me to do and doing that.

in other words, i am the sum of choices and nothing more.

i'm not terrifyed by what i've done, i just recognize it as my greatest sin and hope one day i'll understand why i choose what i did.