"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

on my mind
April 28, 2004 - 9:47 am

i think the world lacks far too much honesty and bluntness. i could ramble off on that and the urge to is hard to overcome. however, for once, i'm going to keep myself on task.

i think another big reason why like this diary is that it deals with the sort of things that go on inside my head.

of course, i fully recognize that my problems.. my issues often seem small to others and, in all honesty, probably are small. they are, however, mine.. and to me often staggeringly overwhemling.

every test i've ever taken has ranked me as moderatly to severely depressed and expressed, in one way or another, for me to call some shrink ASAP.

sometimes i really think i should and sometimes i almost do.

i never have and i doubt i ever will.

no, in all honesty, i believe that i will take my own life one day.

i used to feel conflicted about that. i don't anymore.

i have no desire to grow old. none.

i watch the news and hear people talk and i find myself disgusted i've of the same species. i'm baffled by what get's ranked as important.. and what trivial.

this isn't to say i'm better than everyone else. i do have some arrogance in me, but not about this. what i'm saying is, i'm baffled. i understand how things work, just not why we've choosen to make them work this way.

i don't expect to you understand what i'm saying, you don't know what's in my head.

i fear, i've too many guards and traps set up for anyone who tries.

you see, when it comes to myself, i fear i lack honesty and bluntness.

everything 'bad' i say about society, i include myself in - well nearly everything.

so, anyway, that's part of what's on my mind today.