"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

state of affairs
January 27, 2004 - 7:24 pm

it's not a long list, i've never known too many people.

i even went so far as to contact the alumni office at my undergrad school to get an address - or what's supposed to be a current address.

the prospect of handwriting a letter and sending it.. sort of terrifies me. well, not terrifies. i just have shitty handwriting and hate to handwrite anything - mostly since i know people can't read it very well. it embarasses me. of course, i do very little to try and improve it. seems to be a personality trait of mine - identify what i don't like about me and do nothing about it.

perhaps i'll just get a card of some sort, write something little and sign it. that seems doable.

there's another friend i used to talk to on yahoo messanger, but she hasn't been on since xmass. i should call her to see what's up. to be honest, i'm sort of worried about why she hasn't been on.

there's two others - so a total of four - that i'd like to reconnect with.

though.. with any of them (minus the yahoo one since we've talked recently) i'm a loss as to what to say..

i think i'm not clear with myself what my motives for contacting them are.

i think part of it is i can have conversations with them in my head and they say exactly what i want to hear.. but then i'm controling what they say.. and i want to hear them say it for real or, more likely, hear how they really think/feel.

in the end, i don't think it matters much. i doubt i'll contact any of them.

lately, i seem all about the path of least resistance. perhaps semi-recent events have taken a greater toll on me that i've allowed myself to realize.

in school news.. i'm procrastinating like champ - two four page (double spaced) papers are due tomorrow and one one page paper is also due. i have zero done for any of them.

in F news, she's just a friendly person. merely delusions to think anything more would be there. i'm good with that though.

at the moment, i'd count her and roomie jon as my only real friends. everyone i know online has faded off.. to short random chats or i don't see them on anymore.

that's not to say i don't consider some of them friends.. it's just that internet friends, for me, fall into a slightly different category - neither better nor worse, just different.