"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

a rant.
November 12, 2003 - 7:47 pm

so, the presentation was today. here's a brief background of things: four of us meet monday night to put together the powerpoint and run through the presentation. i'm thinking this is about 2 hours worth of work - the presentation is only 15 to 20 minutes.

we start at 5pm. at 7pm i reread for the millionth time, while others are dicking around trying to finish their stuff, part two. part two is the meat of the project. i realize we read it wrong and all that we've done is wrong. can't be used at all.

nevermind the fact that my slacker ass put together my part of the presentation from 10am to noon that day - two hours to type out my info and do that analsys. these fucks can't even come to the meeting with everything done.

we agreed on certain things earlier in the week, but one guy is still off doing his own fucking thing - right or wrong, we all need to match and since it's monday and the presentation is in three days, we don't have time to quibble about shit we've already agreed on. so he gives in and says he will redo his stuff the way the other three of us did.

another guy isn't done with anything. he doesn't have the source info, but somehow has the final result - what the fuck is that about?

another guy did his written report like an outline. who the fuck turns in an outline?!?

so it's monday, 7pm and i realize we've all misread this thing and are fucked. we adjorn for the night and will get together monday at 1pm. i'm hoping we will be done by 5pm. i do my shit that morning - taking about two hours. none of us had work - it was vetrans day.

we are actaully in the fucking room until 6pm and still not done. i have class at 7pm and need food, so i say here's the deal - do your shit tonight and send it to me by email. i'll compile it tomorrow and we will be all good. everyone agrees.

stuipd me is thinking this is 3 hours worth of work - i mean how long can it take to cut and paste reports from four people into one? how long can it take to edit and homogenize powerpoint slides?

a miracle, by 10pm last night i had all the source material - even though the one fucker had to do it from scratch. i say good for him.

i set to work at 8am. i stop, go to work at 9am. i tell my boss i need to work on this presentation, she's thankfully very, very cool about it.

fucker number three is suppose to arrive around 11am to help me put this shit together. that comes and goes, no sign of him.

i'm working with graphs that have no lable what so ever. some are in funky colors. some are in these odd ass sizes. shit's misspelled, i'm trying to to catch/edit what i can, but really my goal is make this a cohesive presentation. yes, this is the shit i volunteered myself for.

oddly, i'm not feeling very stressed at all. i'm very lassie fair (some french expression - basically meaning 'come what may.. by the hand of god, some invisble force. you know what i mean) about the whole thing. this is no doubt fed by the fact that my throat is one fire and i can't talk for shit.

between 8am and 4:20pm i take no less than 20 halls throat sugar pills of numbness. i can feel the plaque building on my teeth. i don't care. my throat is numb and i can almost speak normally.

at like 1pm fucker number three shows up, drops off a binder for the written report and leaves.. so he can go home and check his email to proof read the shit i've finished. what i really need for him to do is sit his ass down and offer some opinions on how to format this shit. how to smoothly go from a to b to c.

no help there.

fuckers one and two get my files via email as i send them.. and offer some modest changes. i know there's more wrong with them, but i don't have time to proof read them myself.

fucker number two must have an A in this class or he goes on probation for the second time. he very much does not want to, so i was counting on him to really catch shit - no such luck.

anyway, i get everything done - thirty powerpoint slides and 19.5 pages of report by 3:20pm - an hour to spare.

i know a hell of alot more about powerpoint now.

i get shit printed, send off the final copies to all and wait. no calls.

no one to say 'i read it and it's good' or 'i read it and this or that needs changed'.

i'm not at all pretending it's great - hell i made up the final conclusion paragraph since fucker number three somehow 'typed it up, but that must have got lost when i emailed it to you'. yeah, as if three paragraphs just randomly get cut from an email attachment.

i get that errors happen, but come the fuck on. how can you count on one person to get this all done if you won't give that person something to work with?

fucker number two sent me his report with fucker number three's ratio data.

he insists it's his, which it clearly isn't. i tell him don't worry, i'll go get the fucking ratios and it will all be good.

yet another side track for me to go down.

anyway, 3:20 it's all done and printed.

i get something to eat... have some other unpleasant realizations like i didn't do the homework for today, but no time to worry about that. i just hope i won't get called on and can plead sickness if i do.

i'm really fucking hoarse.

so at about 5:40 we start, halfway through class that started at 4:20.

now, we havn't rehearsed this at all. i know this is going to be bad. so i take four pieces of scrap paper and write out the order of who is going to speak when.. all you need to do is remember who comes after you so you can introduce them. very nice of me i thought, since i was the only one who knew the order of slides - i don't really think anyone else read them.

things go pretty well through part one. transitions from one person to the other were jerky, but i'm pretty happy.

i finish up part one and give it back to fucker number one. he needs to do the intro to part two and pass it off to fucker number three.

fucker number two gives me a blank look as it 'pass it' to him. he actaully says, 'what? i'm doing this??'

fucker number three steps in and does it - meaning he's now going to speak a total of four time. having a balanced presentation is part of the grade and were each to speak three times. i'm fucking livid, staring at him. i'd have yelled, but i could hardly talk. i'd have done the part two intro, but again.. i could hardly talk.

yeah, he's fucker number one for a reason.

after the presentation, which other than that, i think went two.. two people offered me halls. i gladly accepted both.

i can see us being bad since we all fucked up and misread thing.. only catching that monday night, but to not even know your part.. and to fucking say that in class.. all he had to do was read the goddamn slides and adlib a little.

i was pissed. i looked like a tool for saying it was his turn - though it was, but no one knows that but us.

argh.

wow, i'm surpised i typed so much. i'm very.. very tired.

i'd debating going to the prof and bitching about his shit during the presentation - i want it known it was his turn to talk and he didn't know his shit.

i think i am. i want to redo my sheet where i graded my peers in the presentation. i filled it out with a moment of pity and gave all good scroes. fucker number one needs a shitty score.

yeah, so i'm petty. i'm ok with that.