"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

getting tired
May 30, 2003 - 5:05 pm

i guess it really isn't a realization then, so i'll say the thought occured to me..

there's all these shows, all these companies making products to entertain me and not a single one really fits the bill. sure there's shows that make me laugh, but it's mostly stupid humor. i watch tv not because i really love any of the shows, i watch it to pass the time. it's acceptable to say i watched x y and z last night. it's not acceptable to say i watched nothing, read nothing.. did nothing.

the thought grew in my head to include movies and then all sort of other entertainment.

none of them really appeal to me.

in fact, quite a few thing i find insulting if i stop to think about them. take tnn, i think it's tnn, has decided to become the "guy tv channel". that's fine, afterall there's tv channels for women. the insulting part comes with the "new name" they have... spike tv.

yeah, spike tv. dear fucking god. spike is dog's name. spike is the name some Narcissistic freak gives to his penis.

in fact, why not just call it penis tv?

spike tv doesn't even sound cool. i can't imagine walking into work and askig anyone if they've heard of spike tv, unless i'm going to make jokes about it.

anyway, my point is that every damn thing is geared totally to the lcd - lowest common denominator.

yes, yes, i know that lots of people talk about this problem. but... that's just it people talk about it. things don't change. it's like poeple realize this is 'wrong', so they say it.. but deep down they like it so they keep watching.

they give lip service to the issue.

cheerleaders at sporting events.. they are their to have pretty girls kick thier legs in short ass skirts. no one cares what they are saying. they are pretty - that is their soul function.

don't get me wrong, i'm a straight guy and girls i've dated can attest that i have a nice healthy libdo.

i'm just insulted that someone things two girls fighting in water founting is going to make me want to buy their beer.

i'm way off point..

these thoughts last night all snowballed and such..but they usually leave overnight.

this time, they havn't. i'm left with an even strong feeling that i truly don't fit.

i have no desire to fit.

i don't want to stay where i am and work here.. i don't want to go back to school. none of that matters. it's far more basic..more ingrained than that.

if i had a hundered million dollars it wouldn't matter. i might be able to delude myself that i'm happy, but it would just be delusion.

there's only so many options to rectify the problem.. and i'm getting damn tired of thinking about things.