"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

mired in reality..wishing for fantasy
April 15, 2003 - 6:03 pm

i sat down in the silence and realized i liked it. no cpu fan noise or indistinct tv noise from up stairs. no squeaking from the washer down the hall. nothing at all.

i think i mentioned the long conversation i had the other day at midnight while sitting in car. if not, i did. it wasn't about me, but about anothers relationship. a soap opera kinda situation.

at one point she said to me, 'you see everything so black and white.' i disagreed, i don't see everything black and white - there are many topics i see nothing but grey on.

yet another example of me dualistic personality. that's not a good example, but then if you knew me at all you'd be nodding your head.

i now like two things. the total silence when the power is out and the odd dream/awake state i often find myself in before falling asleep or when i'm semi-waking. a lucid dream kind of state i guess.

to be honest i don't care what it's called. i know it. i like it.

everything else...is just an interruption to what i like.

i'm not so sure going to odu is a worthwhile idea. i don't doubt that, in general, it's a good idea. i'm simply not so sure that doing it matters when the idea is considered from my vantage.

my friend from the car can get very.. passionate about having things her way. she freely admits she can get self-centered. she feels strongly about things. opinionated.

i can be opinionated, but that's only because i seem to like to be contrary. it's not from passion.

there's nothing in my life that i'm passionate about.

not one single thing. once upon a time there was.

i'm mired in reality whilst wishing to live in fantasy.