"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

a bum?
Januray 24, 2002 - 5:42 pm

anyway, i'm making this way to long. typical me huh?

so we go into his office and he asks me a question or two about our nyc office. it turns out that they've done some realigning of people down there..shakin' up the good old org chart and there's a manager spot open and jeff wants to know if i'd like him to toss my name in the pool of people. did i mention i have two interviews set up on the 29th? i told him yes, toss my name in. i've little chance of getting it. the office isn't really in nyc, but just over the river in new jersey. cheaper rents i guess.

i have to take my hat off to jeff. it's the first spot that's opened up that i know of and he's asking me if i want to go for it.

what else...hrm. no, not gonna talk about that.

oh, my car is fucking mess. i'm thinking about cutting the tree down. it's never been like this before...my hood is like one big bird turd. i was sitting at work watching the rain and thinking...my car is in the covered garage. if only if will keep raining until work lets out...a free car wash. it's not that i'm too cheap to wash my car, far from it. it's just that with the way these birds are going, i'd have to wash my car every damn day.

usually i like birds.

i was talking to a semi-friend the other day (online of course) and it was suggest that i go into counseling..since that's what this friend does. i don't think could deal with that. so why not a teacher? that idea sits in my mind and i get to like that idea.

i really, really don't think that any sort of career is right for me. that's just how i am. i seek other forms of peace and happiness. i don't take much identity from what i do..i never have. a job is a job to me. what i do pays the bills. if i can find something that pisses me off a tad less and still pays the bills, all the better. if it was left up to me, i'd probably switch jobs every two years for ever. no, actaully if it was up to me. i'd go be a bum. i'd scrounge for whatever, work for whatever..and just live totally in my head.

perhaps that what i should do. move way down south..or way out west, whereever its warm and just be a bum.

eron lost what? 5 billion dollars or something? how fucking absurd is that? where does 5 billion dollars go? the price fell..and so it was worth less. but what fell? it's all imaginary numbers. a dollar isn't worth a dollar. it's just a piece of paper we have been taught to value. money has become an abstract thing used to obtain other abstract or concrete things. there's no gold backing our dollar..there's no nothing. just a relative/subjective value. it's far, far more absurd to think that 5 billion dollars was lost than it is for me to think of becoming a bum.

in so many ways..i want to fast forward to a few years later. i don't really care if things get messy. i just want a change.