"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

did i screw up??
January 08, 2002 - 7:47 am

OH HELL YES!

now i'm sure all of you, but one, is thinking...what the hell is he talking about?

see, in my past...relationships have always moved 'fast' i guess you could say. i met you (not you, but her...unless of course you are her..then i do mean you) and we talked a lot and one thing you made clear is that you want a relationthip to develop slowly. i agree that's the best way to go. too many times things have started off quick and it really screws things up.

there's one thing i'm pretty sure of and that's that i'm going to do something to screw things up. first of all, i'm a guy. it's what guys do. second of all, i know me...and it's what i do. i'll take something the wrong way or say something the wrong way...or just do something without thinking. it's really a kind of given. so, when we talked...and you were pretty clear about wanting to go slow and that we won't jump into bed ect...i decided that i'm going to abide by that. sure i'm going to do something to fuck (no pun intended) things up...but it's not going to be us going to far to fast. i've been there and done that...and i want this to work.

though...it looks like my idea to be the gentleman and keep things as platonic in person as possible...has been my screw up. now you're saying that you're wondering if i really like you, if i'm really attracted to you and the answer is:

Oh Hell Yes.

see, like i said...it's a given that i'm going to do the wrong thing, i meant to be doing the right. do good intentions really count? do i get any points for trying to adhere to going slow? i hope so...

i can't read signals. maybe you did give me a sign that you were cool with the idea of something happening and i missed it. that's part of the reason i wrote that entry about sunday. i really did have a good time..i would have loved for something, anything, to have happened. i didn't 'put a move on' cause i didn't want to try something that i shouldn't do yet. i guess guys are supposed to be all aggressive and pushy...and in my past i have been. i've never gone on two dates with the same person without 'something' happening. never. it's not at all that i don't want to you with you...it's just that...with what we've talked about i didn't want to push things and scare you off or make you think that all i want is sex.

i dunno, this is getting long and i'm at work (yes..my first ever at work entry) so i'ma gonna go now.

i just hope that i didn't do a first for me...i behaved and that's whats screwed (again, no pun intended) things up.