"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

saturday...
2001-10-21 - 9:52 a.m.

so what did i expect to see? i wanted to the show open with the national anthem or with the boss singing 'born in the usa', heck..even ending the show with 'born in the usa'...or that song _anywhere_ would have brought the house down. i dunno i guess i expected an up beat your-life-was-hell-now-heres-someting-to-let-go-and-cheer-about kind of show. i know there needed to be soft songs, sad songs..but still a night of something like the greatest hits would have been great. now like i said before, i did miss a decent chunch of the show and that's the third part of this longish posting...

it was about 5 when i was debating about what i wanted to do last night. did i want to go out, stay in and watch this upcoming concert or something else? by rare chance i had icq open and for those long time readers (are there any long time readers?) you might recall amy. if not, amy and i 'dated' very briefly back in back in the spring. dating isn't the right word for it, she would come down and we would go out to a movie or something and then have sex. i told her flat out then and since then, that we won't ever be a couple, but still tonight she decided she wanted to come down. yes, yes the kraven made what can only be called a 'booty call'. mark it on your calendar, it's an extremly rare event. i was bored and lonely and wanted company, plus the idea of sex seemed appealing. she got here about 7, just missing david bowie and i envied her that. by 8 we were otherwise occupied and didn't get back to the concert until 10ish, so perhaps i actually missed something good in that concert. i'm going to think that way, hoping that it's true. here's a quote from amy and quotes like this are one of the reasons i won't even consider dating her. she goes 'what's the big deal, didn't the one tower fall down before?' she had heard about the bomb back in 1993 (i think) and thought the whole tower fell and didn't see why it was so huge that both towers were gone. i wanted to tell her to leave right then and perhaps i should have, it would have saved me. saved me from what you ask? well another one of my epiphanies. i'm not quite sure i want to talk about that yet and this is far long enough.

overall my night wasn't exactly the relaxing and enjoyable time i had forseen.

i'll leave you with 'i want love' by elton john

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothin', I just feel cold
Don't feel nothin', just old scars,
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love that won't break me down,
won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love, on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man, I've seen so much traffic

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love that won't break me down,
won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and
smooth I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough

A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love that won't break me down,
won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love, just a different kind
I want love that won't break me down,
won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love