"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

swimming
2001-08-12 - 5:21 p.m.

i was supposed to go to the gym friday for me 'opening appointment' thingie. you know, where they show you how to use the machines and do a little health work up deal. i called and cancled. i just didn't want to deal with that. i rescheduled for monday. this new place has a pool, that's the whole reason i joined. i don't why i don't just go to the y downtown, but something about that place just bothers me. it's one of the few y's left, so i'm told, that still has rooms for rent. i'm going to go monday and get this stupid appiontment thing done. i'll probably ride a bike for awhile. i should swim some laps. i havn't been in a pool in years. it's odd. i grew up swimming laps. endless laps it seems i've swum. since i was like 5 years old. at the 'height' of my career i was at practice six days a week and had meets two to three days a week. high school meets were tuesday and thursday and the y/uss team had meets on saturdays and sometimes two day meets, saturday and sundy. high school also had practice on saturday, which i went to if the meet was a home meet. in the summer i just swam one day a week for two teams. i dunno if i explained that in a clear way, but i swam alot. now, i don't go in the water. i'm not even sure if i still have a swimsuit and goggles. that's funny. i used to have a bag full of suits, goggles, caps...

i sort of miss swimming. it's a team sport based on individual accoplishment. it's an odd mix. people cheer at swim meets. i don't know why. i could never hear anyone, perhaps a dullish roar of the crowd...but i think that was mostly the water in my ears. sure you can see people when you take a breath and they look rather funny.

what i remember most about swimming was the period right before my event. i'd stand behind the block. it was a whole ritual thing i had, that ever swimmer has. you'd stand there, perhaps strecthing, listening to the crowd cheering for the swimmers in the water. i could feel the adroline building in my body, an uneasy queasy feeling. what i did most was take deep breaths and sort of rock from left to right left. when my weight was on my right leg, i'd shake my left leg and right arm. then i'd switch to my weight on my left leg, shaking my right leg and left arm. there were all sorts of little things. one thing to stretch the shoulders, i'd swing my arms straight out in front of me, clapping my hands, and then swing them, horizontal, behind me, clapping them again. back and forth, clapping we'd do that. i'd do some standing jumps, loosing my legs and getting ready for the dive off the block. mostly it was things just to kill time. the swimmers in the water would finish and clear the pool. i'd walk up and bend over, dipping my goggles in the pool. getting them insides wet helps stop them from fogging up. in my laters years, we would spit into the goggles and rub the spit around. on the goggles would go, tight against my head and a good strong suction on my eyes. i always liked to get up on the block as soon as possible. i liked standing there, looking the length of the people. id watch the water calm from the last race. the officals did whatever they did after the race and we waited. on the block, i'd shake my arms and legs again. it was nervous thing. perhaps i'd catch my coach yelling something to me. i didn't really listen. it would seem an eon, but finally the offical would start annoucing the next race, my race. as soon as he spoke, id bend over. my feet at the back edge of the block, my arms dangling, my eyes staring straight down at the smooth water. perhaps a drop would fall from me or the block and i'd watch the ripples. i didn't care for anything he said, except those magic words, 'swimmers, take your mark.' and we would all shuffle forward, our toes curling over the edge of the block, our legs coiled and ready to explode, our backs would bend just a bit more and our fingertips would touch the block. tense and ready we would wait for the gun, the beep, the whatever they used.

i spent so much time in the pool. i hated practice. i liked the races. my place didn't really matter. how the team did didn't really matter. it was what the clock said. i could take last place and our team could lose, but if that clock said i was faster than before, then i won. screw the rest.