"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

disappointed?
2001-03-13 - 00:29:33

Tough. It's true though. I rumble and stumble and bumble through life. The endzone is in sight, if how ever fleetingly, and I'm tryin to tiptoe down the sideline with some huge ass linebacker all set to level my ass and cause a fumble. That's enough sports analogies...I do apologize.

It's strange the way I relate to people and then how I think I relate to them in my head. There simply hast to be something about me that I don't know or don't realize. I simple drive away people. I do, plan fact. Now, sometimes I realize what's going on and why...and I'm fine with that. But other times, I must truly be blind to what it is that I do. I seem to drive off those that I don't mean to. It baffles me, honestly it does. Do I expect to much? Are my expectations off? I don't know.

Not to long ago, J was a 'main' topic of this page. She read here, I don't know if she does now. She once said that she was like Heather and that annoyed and me and I argued against that. I forget if it was on here or verbally to her. I remember how happy I was when after my computer crash she sent me an email, saying 'don't forget me.' I knew that she had taken the time to read my page and wanted me to have her email after I lost all the address I had. After that though...nothing...I've sent one or two, but they have gone unanswered. I have no idea what I have done to stop our flow of converstaion...well that's not true. I don't email her or call like I used to, but I shouldn't have to. That's a one-sided friendship and I refuse to get into that.

Oh well. Stumble, bumble, rumble and fumble...the cycle of life goes on. I can list more examples, more recent..some much older. The detials vary, but never the result. I am used to it, I expect it...perhap that contributes. I see no reason to expect anything more and atleast I'm never disappointed.