diaryland old n moldy new n fresh profile aol im dland notes like original stories? like to give feedback? click here! bored go here! rings: agnostic altoids ayn-rand 1976 complex connecticut corsets curiosity deviant disillusiond donnie darko douglas adams fark farscape gemini individual intj introvert ishmael kinky-sex libertarian ourladypeace pittsburgh rum-lovers virginia writer |
"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown Both stories were similair in that they were about a person losing a loved one. Neither story was really intended to be emotional. It's simply my mood lately. I am the model of the disillusioned, unhappy person... who is secure in the knowledge that reason for his unhappiness is himself. I used to say (well, I still do I suppose), that I consider my family to be strangers with whom I share blood... I dutifully return to them at least once a year, but there's no connection.. there's no, well.. no nothing. I used to say that's just how my family is. Some are close and some are not. It's really neither good nor bad, just the way things are. Now... I think it's more me. I'm really left to wonder just how 'unclose' my parents and brother are. Stopping and looking back at various things, they strike me quite normal in their interactions. More or less how I'd expect any family to be. The 'strangers' thing really seems to be how everyone interacts with me. At work... I'm in a much more public role in that I openly interact with clients. I'm all the more aware now that while I can pull off being charming and engaging... I'm really socially awkward. I'm really at a loss for what people talk about.. how they interact... how one should really behave. Things are jimdandy as long as they fall within certain bounds... but I can really only act so much. I'm quite good at mimicking... at recalling bits of conversation from other meetings and using it. No doubt it's largely part just how I'm wired, but it's also due to how alone I live. A result of the choices I've made. How truly sad and pathetic must one be not only beg someone to 'do something' and be rejected... but to beg that person a second time? How few options must one have to do that? A place like Alaska - April 07, 2012 Dowton Abbey - February 01, 2011 Dowton Abbey - January 31, 2011 Something of an update - January 16, 2011 What to do... - January 01, 2011 |
my current wishlist item, yes i am waiting for godot.
we live in the land of the free, but are we brave enough to keep it that way? you have a choice my addiction: pokerstars |